Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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