You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
