Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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