Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
