his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
