This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
