I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
