He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
