its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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