I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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