She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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