Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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