There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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