my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
