Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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