I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
