Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
