I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
