had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
