Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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