her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
