Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
