Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
