i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
