Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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