Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
