we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
