my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
