I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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