I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
