So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
