remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
