u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
