I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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