It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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