gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We got so high we made milksteak
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
