I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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