rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
