It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
