I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
