just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
