I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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