I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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