he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
