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So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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