You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
