1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
actually, I'm a sock model
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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