shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
