I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
