why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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