It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
